ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
