just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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