Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
