i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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