you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
