You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
