Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
