Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
