i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
