D3 body, D1 cock
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
