3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
