Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
