I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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