Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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