i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
