So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
