In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
