Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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