she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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