Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
