I hate your face
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
