So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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