I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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