what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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