Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
