moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
