last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
