So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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