Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
