So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
