Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
