I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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