In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize