it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
