I've blown a few things in my day
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
