i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize