D3 body, D1 cock
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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