I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
