My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
