i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
