I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
