Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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