So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
