You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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