i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Your cock deserves a montage
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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