I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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