He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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