I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize