I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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