So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
