i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
