just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
