I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
