names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
