direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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