he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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