no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
