apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's blow job season.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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