I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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