i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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