I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
