This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
