Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize