I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
