I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
