You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
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