He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
