I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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