I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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