He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
