Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
