Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I fill condoms, not promises.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
